Feinberg: Fun ideas for parade floats
By Neil Feinberg/ CNC Columnist
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Will the weather cooperate this year, or will the clouds rain down on Lincoln's July Fourth parade? These are the unanswerable questions that keep members of the Lincoln Celebrations Committee up at night days before the grand event.
As chairman of the Celebrations Committee for 10 years, I found that frequent checks of online forecasts or hourly reports on the Weather Channel were of little use. If the meteorologists said it was likely to rain, I was sure they were wrong. If they said it was going to be sunny and pleasantly cool with low humidity, I knew I was hallucinating. Hazy, hot and humid is the usual condition, and the Celebrations Committee will gladly take that over a deluge.
It is during this final week that Lincoln's town committees formalize their plans for their parade floats. Lincoln's parade is known for these groups' attempts to use self-deprecating humor to deliver civic-minded messages. With that in mind, here are a few float ideas our favorite committees might consider:
Conservation Commission - Lincoln's parade is certainly a time for entertainment, but it's also appropriate for a little public service street theater. After all, way more people line the parade route than attend Town Meeting. And, since the parade runs down Lincoln Road and back, there are two opportunities to reinforce that message. So, what better opportunity for the Conservation Commission to demonstrate its new Mt. Misery doggie rules?
Commission members could all man a float equipped with a big metal barrel. Each member would be decked out with the proper tools and accoutrements (bags, scoopers, rubber gloves, tongs, surgical masks, 10-foot-poles, etc.). Mt. Misery dog walkers and other volunteers could walk their pets alongside the float -on-leashes, of course - and each time one of them did their business, a commissioner could swoop down off the float to demonstrate the proper technique for barrel disposal.
If this float is strategically placed behind the Codman Farm's horse-drawn wagons, commissioners could really have their work cut out for them. Guaranteed to win a blue ribbon for community spirit.
School Committee - Sometimes a float can be used to deliver a message of reassurance. It was just a scant few years ago that David Jack was hired to clean up the school's muddled bookkeeping situation, and it's been smooth sailing, fiscally speaking, ever since. Now he's (gulp) leaving. How about a float on which the School Committee and administration are taking their own version of the MCAS test? We'll call it the OSWA test, for Only Spend What's Appropriated.
Historic District Commission - How about a float featuring commission members building a giant replica of an 18th century colonial mansion out of white Legos? As soon as they finish building, along comes someone with a demolition permit and they have to knock down the replica and build a mansionized version.
Water Commission - Water commissioners could demonstrate their independence on Independence Day by renting one of those Duck Boat Tours vehicles for their float, and water superintendent Pat Allen could drive it. Then, instead of turning around for a return trip down Lincoln Road, when they reach the flower pot they can veer off on to Sandy Pond Road and make a beeline for the Water Department offices, where they can roll right into the water for a glorious day of floating and goose hunting on the pond.
Not only is it a relaxing way to spend the afternoon, it splendidly communicates the commissioners' autonomy.
Selectmen - With the recent Supreme Court ruling in their favor, the selectmen are free to go on an eminent-domain-taking spree. No neighborhood is safe. After all, isn't affordable housing considered a "public use?"
Watch out, Holt Massey, Philip DeNormandie, Farrington Memorial, and other large property owners along Route 2. Might the selectmen "take" the Lincoln Mall if the Rural Land Foundation doesn't get going on its housing plans for the site? I'm picturing a "Wheel of Fortune" float scenario. The selectmen spin the wheel, and instead of prizes, the property the pointer lands on becomes Lincoln's new revenue base: A Wal-Mart shopping center.
Now, that's the parade I'd like to see. Maybe that's why I'm not in charge of it anymore.
Neil Feinberg is a Lincoln resident and a regular columnist for the Lincoln Journal. | |
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